Honestly, the reason I'd consider being with Gray again is because I'm a better person when I'm with him. But of course, these are way more superficial than the truth of it. Even through text, Gray can tell what I'm feeling and rein me in. Another reason is that i need someone who will support my child-like enjoyments (because that will never ever change) but at the same time tell me when I'm pushing too many or the wrong buttons.

I'm quirky and quiet when meeting new people, and he's more mainstream and definitely gregarious. The first one is that in many ways, Gray and I are supplementary. I've given many answers, although the one answer that's true I haven't given yet. In some cases, we'll rearrange our commitments for each other, like when I was freaking out about my interview with stanford and really down on myself and he called just to make sure I was ok.īut of course, even though there's been a lot of progress, one would wonder why I'd even consider it again. He'll ask me if I'm watching one of my basketball games or I'll text him to see how his test went. But for the most part, we're happy today. Of course, there are occasionally things that hint that its on our minds like him joking that he'd never go to LSU to visit me if I did ACUHO-I there, or meeting parents and the like. I don't spend my time speculating about what might happen because I'm happy just to be talking to him now.

I'm not as caught up in the 'I miss yous,' the 'I can't wait to see yous,'and 'I can't wait to sleep next to yous,' in part because they're not there, but also because I have a healthy dose of skepticism about the entire thing. It hasn't been nearly as consuming as it was last time. In some ways, talking with Gray again has been a super positive experience. But honestly that, and of course the trust deterrent, are the only drawbacks about pursuing something further.

It's also led me to be perhaps more candid than I'm comfortable with (telling him I miss him) or even affected on a physiological level (I don't sleep as well when I don't hear from him). My sense of loyalty to him (whether deserved or not) has led me to turn down what could otherwise be really fruitful relationship opportunities. Some of the things that I've done since we've been talking worry me in the grand scheme of things. I've had a lot to think about regarding why I should or should not be with him. He might be coming to see me in mid-February but neither of us know for sure. Gray and I are obviously taking it slowly, just talking and such. Last semester was a huge trial, and I don't want to go through that again. I've had to grow a lot to even get to this point, and it wasn't easy. I need to get to a point where I'm comfortable with him and us, and he needs to trust himself not to hurt me by knowing what he wants.

As it stands, we're working on 'growing our friendship.' It's cliche, yes, but it's what we both need. We're very supportive of each other's ambitions and recognize that those are time sensitive issues that need more immediate attention than whatever we are. Everyday we text, talk, email, or skype usually about the trivial things but sometimes about more serious things. Neither of us knows what we necessarily want, but we know that we are important to each other. Gray and I are talking, and have been talking since Christmas. However, there's one other thing in my life that merits discussion. I've been having some difficulty retaining the things that I'm reading too, but as the semester goes on I've been getting better with that. Not to mention the fact that I'm sick and am taking one more class than I did last semester. I have a TON of interviews lined up for both NODA and ACUHO-I internship programs, which is really exciting but making it increasingly difficult to keep current with my schoolwork. All of those things are occurring and I'm really enjoying my life. So most of my last post was about my life and all the great things that are going on.

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